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Storm Area 51: 5 reasons why you’re not ready for the alien smoke

There’s strength in numbers but not in stupidity.

In 2019, several social groups on Facebook, Reddit, and 4chan have started organizing to ‘storm Area 51’ on various dates, the most popular being Sep. 20.

Area 51 is famous for its suspected conspiratorial military secrets, the most pervasive belief being that aliens are being held there.

Maybe it was the latest Men In Black film that revived this belief, or maybe the depths of social media just made its way to the surface. Either way it’s a bad idea.

Thus, here is our top five reasons not to Storm Area 51.

1. You’re not ready for the smoke

Even if you make it to Area 51, the U.S. military is not to be fucked with and Naruto runs cannot move faster than bullets.

The Airforce has responded to the collective plan to infiltrate the base, saying “[Area 51] is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces,” Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews said.

“The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.”

And you are definitely not going to be considered the asset worth protecting.

2. You don’t know what to expect

Maybe you’ll find what the CIA says is there, just some aircrafts and space for test flights. Or maybe the government is still lying to us about Area 51.

They did claim for decades that the base did not exist. But no matter how many conspiracy theories you’re familiar with, it could be nothing you expect.

You could find some dangerous chemicals, dangerous beta war weapons, or a Demogorgon. And I know none of y’all have Eleven’s powers.

3. Lowkey the aliens might not fuck with you

Let’s be honest, not even people can be trusted to like you upon meeting you. Consider, why you think an Alien who’s since been held captive by humans and most likely subject to torture (I mean this is the military we’re talking about) is going to throw their bodies? appendages? abstract smoke corpse? into your arms.

Your hero complex is distinctly American yes, but no amount of ET and Star Wars watching could prepare you for this encounter.

4. Maybe the aliens already got their shit together

According to most Sci-fi films with aliens, things are often not how they seem. Maybe we’re being held captive by the aliens. Wait just think about it, they’re likely lightyears ahead with their technology and add some mystical powers in there and you have an Illuminati style ruling class.

Maybe Nevada is the HQ they operate from and a military cover in the current most powerful nation in the world. Aliens are probably smarter than you cause they know humans ruin everything and treat their own species terribly.

Remember the other kind of aliens y’all not fucking with?

5. What if you end up looking stupid dolo

These groups were made and promoted by satirists. Most of us are just here for the memes.

So if you were counting on being safe amongst thousands of your raiding brethren think again. Just retweet some wild conspiracy theories and let them aliens come to you.

NASA just discovered another solar system that looks a lot like ours

There might be an exact replica of our solar system somewhere out there, light years away.

To confirm it, NASA has claimed that their exoplanet searching Kepler Space Telescope just found the eighth planet that is part of a scrunched up version of our solar system.

Mark this day, as it is the first time a star system with as many planets as ours has ever been found.


It orbits its sun, Kepler-90, once every 14 days and has an extremely hot surface, 800 degrees Fahrenheit. That’s way too hot for us humans too chill, or any life form for that matter.

Still, this is a huge discovery and the Kepler-90 star system is basically a mini version of our own solar system. In a NASA announcement on Thursday, astronomer Andrew Vanderburg said,

“The Kepler-90 star system is like a mini version of our solar system. You have small planets inside and big planets outside, but everything is scrunched in much closer.”

Nasa just found an alien planet in a solar system a lot like our own

Sifting through old data from the Kepler telescope and using artificial intelligence NASA and Google were able to find the eighth planet.

What the Kepler Telescope actually does is measure the drop in brightness of stars as planets orbit in front of them. Google then used a form of artificial intelligence called machine learning to analyze those flickers of light.

According to NASA, machine learning is an approach to artificial intelligence in which computers “learn.”

In this case, computers learned to identify planets by finding in Kepler data instances where the telescope recorded signals from planets beyond our solar system, known as exoplanets.

Basically, researchers trained computers to learn how to spot the faint signals of small planets.

This was all inspired by the way the neurons are connected to the brain.The AI was able to pick up on a minuscule change of brightness.

Researchers Christopher Shallue and Vanderburg were able to create an  artificial “neural network.”

This is just the beginning and there is a lot more sifting to be done as Shallue and Vanderburg plan to use the same neural network to analyze 150,000 different stars.

Hopefully, one day we will find an exoplanet just like earth to move too because our planet is seriously cooked AF.

There’s a giant alien turd floating in space and you should be shook

Lowkey, in mid-October, scientists saw an alien asteroid make its way into our solar system for the first time.

Scientist Rob Weryk spotted it first and other scientists caught on as it exited our solar system at 98,000 miles an hour. That’s enough speed to outrun our sun’s gravitational pull.

Beyond its alien entrance and rapid exit, the intergalactic asteroid, named Oumuamua‘, Hawaiian for “a messenger from afar arriving first,” is still raising questions.

The asteroid community has never seen an asteroid with such a unique shape. Plus, it “could tell us profound things about where we came from.”

To give you an idea of what scientists saw, Oumuamua resembles something like a giant pencil and is long and blunt on both ends. But to keep it 100, it resembles a giant turd.

#Oumuamua #TheMessenger #Nasa

A post shared by @sandwich_d_amour on

Anyway, you are probably wondering how in the world scientists know Oumuamua has this turd like shape. In fact, how do they know that it’s an asteroid?

Scientists suggest that Oumuamua didn’t have a tail like a comet and didn’t spawn a gas trail when it was flying past the sun.

According to a report today in Nature, the visitor lives up to its exotic origin: The object is at least 10 times longer than it is wide, resembling a giant cosmic pencil tumbling through the void.

“It’s extraordinarily elongated, which is extremely unusual—we don’t see anything like that in our solar system,” says study leader Karen Meech of the University of Hawaii’s Institute for Astronomy.

Are you shook? You should be. This could be an attack on us from another galaxy. What if alien life forms figured out a way to launch asteroid missiles at planets. Hot boy, huh?

We don’t even know if life forms were surfing on the asteroid? Like would we be prepared for warfare against an advanced species? Hell no.

War Loop GIF by Doze Studio - Find & Share on GIPHY

This has me stressing about an alien invasion but hopefully scientists can find out more about Oumuamua as time goes on. Someone pass the water, I’m sweatin’.