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Storm Area 51: 5 reasons why you’re not ready for the alien smoke

There’s strength in numbers but not in stupidity.

In 2019, several social groups on Facebook, Reddit, and 4chan have started organizing to ‘storm Area 51’ on various dates, the most popular being Sep. 20.

Area 51 is famous for its suspected conspiratorial military secrets, the most pervasive belief being that aliens are being held there.

Maybe it was the latest Men In Black film that revived this belief, or maybe the depths of social media just made its way to the surface. Either way it’s a bad idea.

Thus, here is our top five reasons not to Storm Area 51.

1. You’re not ready for the smoke

Even if you make it to Area 51, the U.S. military is not to be fucked with and Naruto runs cannot move faster than bullets.

The Airforce has responded to the collective plan to infiltrate the base, saying “[Area 51] is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces,” Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews said.

“The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.”

And you are definitely not going to be considered the asset worth protecting.

2. You don’t know what to expect

Maybe you’ll find what the CIA says is there, just some aircrafts and space for test flights. Or maybe the government is still lying to us about Area 51.

They did claim for decades that the base did not exist. But no matter how many conspiracy theories you’re familiar with, it could be nothing you expect.

You could find some dangerous chemicals, dangerous beta war weapons, or a Demogorgon. And I know none of y’all have Eleven’s powers.

3. Lowkey the aliens might not fuck with you

Let’s be honest, not even people can be trusted to like you upon meeting you. Consider, why you think an Alien who’s since been held captive by humans and most likely subject to torture (I mean this is the military we’re talking about) is going to throw their bodies? appendages? abstract smoke corpse? into your arms.

Your hero complex is distinctly American yes, but no amount of ET and Star Wars watching could prepare you for this encounter.

4. Maybe the aliens already got their shit together

According to most Sci-fi films with aliens, things are often not how they seem. Maybe we’re being held captive by the aliens. Wait just think about it, they’re likely lightyears ahead with their technology and add some mystical powers in there and you have an Illuminati style ruling class.

Maybe Nevada is the HQ they operate from and a military cover in the current most powerful nation in the world. Aliens are probably smarter than you cause they know humans ruin everything and treat their own species terribly.

Remember the other kind of aliens y’all not fucking with?

5. What if you end up looking stupid dolo

These groups were made and promoted by satirists. Most of us are just here for the memes.

So if you were counting on being safe amongst thousands of your raiding brethren think again. Just retweet some wild conspiracy theories and let them aliens come to you.