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espn July 22, 2019
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How in the world does Ryan Hollins have a sports analyst job?

Ay man, at this point, put me in the booth and we’ll see what happens.

Stephen A. Smith went on vacation, and in his stead, ESPN chose to put Ryan Hollins on their weekday morning talk show First Take opposite regular Max Kellerman. Oh, what a bad decision it was.

Hollins is not a regular on First Take, but this was not his first time on the show. He appears frequently when Smith or Kellerman are on vacation, or sometimes even joins the two on set.

Since appearing on set, he has become a walking laughing stock for his terrible opinions and freezing cold predictions. And while Twitter and almost all other social media has a field day in making fun of him, so too do his peers.

Ryan Hollins played 10 seasons in the NBA for nine teams, and after a year overseas, in 2018, he joined ESPN. Hollins was mostly a benchwarmer, which has spurred jokes from Kellerman and other analysts, though he was on some mildly successful teams, such as the 2012-2014 Los Angeles Clippers.

It makes sense that ESPN wants retired professional sports players on staff to debate sports since, well, they were the ones who actually played and know what goes on. No one wants to watch four straight-laced Harvard graduates who never played sports past high school debate the level of toughness of a 12-year NFL veteran.

But man, Hollins is awful. *insert Spongebob “aw brother, this guy stinks!” meme*

Some of Hollins’ worst takes include saying that the big three in Miami was not a big three because Chris Bosh was not on a star level, the LA Lakers don’t have a leader on their team despite having LeBron James, and Rajon Rondo will have a better upcoming season than Chris Paul.

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All his bad predictions beg the question: does ESPN truly believe Hollins is an insightful and talented sports analyst? Or are the jokes and publicity that come from Hollins’ ice cold takes enough to warrant him making frequent appearances on their headlining show? I would never truly question ESPN’s credibility so I will go with the former, but man, the ridiculous takes from this guy just keep on coming.

First Take is also a show known for its comedic appeal, especially coming from Smith and his reactions to Kellerman’s comments. Sports are about fun, and its talk shows should be the same. But fans still want to hear quality positions, facts, and measured-takes.

Please ESPN do us all a favor and put this lengthy, bounce-around-the-league, praying mantis looking-ass on a new parody show called “Worst Take,” but definitely don’t have him be the substitute for GOAT Stephen A. Smith on First Take. Come on man.

On behalf of every sports fan out there, please make a change ESPN, and in the words of Lebron James, “be better tomorrow.”

espn September 12, 2017
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Sergio Dipp becomes national hero after groundbreaking ‘MNF’ sideline report

Last night on the late edition of Monday Night Football, a couple broadcasters made their debuts in the booth. Beth Mowins became the first woman to do play-by-play on MNF in almost 30 years (shouts out to Beth), Rex Ryan has gone from the sideline to the booth and has very bad suits, but one man has grabbed headlines and national attention from the other debutants.

It’s my pleasure to introduce Sergio mothafuckin’ Dipp.

Dipp was working for both ESPN Deportes and ESPN broadcasts, a massively impressive feat on its own. Towards the end of the first quarter, Dipp delivered his first report on ESPN about new Broncos head coach Vance Joseph.

The rest is history.

Here’s a transcript of the amazing work from Dipp,

“Beth, coach, it’s a pleasure to be with you guys, here on the field, from up close, just watching Coach Vance Joseph from here. You watch him now on the screen.”

Just watchin’ him on the screen.

Dipp went on,

“His diversity and his background is helping him a lot tonight. Quarterback at Colorado, defensive back in the NFL, and here he is, having the time of his life, this night making his head coaching debut.”

Amazing.

In-game sideline reports are usually about the most meaningless part of an entire broadcast but Sergio Dipp has come out of nowhere and absolutely changed the game.

Dipp immediately went viral, which is pretty surprising as I did not expect anyone to be watching the Chargers Broncos game starting at 10:15.

Reactions varied from mild horror to adoration.

NEED MORE DIPP

https://twitter.com/TheWhite_Kite/status/907436351724900352

ESPN has found the solution to their falling ratings…

https://twitter.com/Sam_Vecenie/status/907444392478121984

https://twitter.com/TroutManrammer/status/907438584227131392

Some compared yung Dipp to legendary “Boom Goes The Dynamite” kid

Sergio’s colleagues weighed in…

And alas, our new overlord responded to the sudden attention

This video is beautiful, we love you Sergio Dipp

I don’t know much but I know I need Sergio Dipp on all the broadcasts from now on. Dude is an American hero.