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cornrows June 21, 2017
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Kawhi has apparently shaved off the source of his superpowers, his cornrows

Kawhi Leonard is coming off the best season of his career. Yes, it ended abruptly in the Western Conference Finals because of that fucking ogre Zaza Pachulia, but Kawhi balled out this year and solidified himself as a top-3 player in the NBA.

You might think I’m crazy but I attribute roughly 67 percent of that production to his pristine, tightly wound, Allen Iverson-esque cornrows.

So, when I learned Tuesday night that he chopped off the cornrows and is now sporting some lameass cut, I was a little upset. (Side note: It caught me off-guard seeing Kawhi smirk in that picture. When’s the last time Kawhi has displayed an emotion of any kind?)

The cornrows were a unique, throwback look that set Kawhi apart from the fashion-obsessed superstars that are taking over the league.

So, will the lack of cornrows hurt Kawhi next season?

Sadly, I think it might. The cornrows provided an edge and an intimidation factor that might be hard to replicate with some basic shape-up.

But we also have to consider the possibility that Kawhi is a robot. And this might be Kawhi transforming into the 2.0 version of his prototype. Maybe next season his hands will grow a little and his vertical will gain a few inches. Honestly, are you willing to bet your life that won’t happen?

Kawhi is clearly a different type of dude (or robot). As recently as 2016, Sports Illustrated reported Kawhi was still driving a ’97 Chevy Tahoe, which he nicknamed “Gas Guzzler.”

So, we’ll all have to get used Kawhi’s new cut and we should all be on the lookout for improvements to his game (or his hard drive).

Update: Kawhi may or may not have shaved the ‘rows. Only time will tell…