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Week 5 NFL roundup: Mike Pence is dumb, coaches doing coke, and wack injuries

With Week 5 in the books, besides a Monday night matchup between the Bears and Vikings, the headlines continue to come from around and off the field as opposed to the actual play on it.

Between Vice President and noted weirdo Mike Pence making some dumb political gesture, Dolphins offensive line coach railing lines before a meeting, and season-ending injuries to two of the league’s biggest superstars, it was another week of headaches for Roger Goodell.

That doesn’t mean this isn’t all hilariously enjoyable (besides the injuries, that’s super trash) or that there weren’t some fun highlights, just that the NFL continues to be a wild circus of ridiculousness.

In many ways the NFL mirrors the state of our weird hellscape of a country; benevolent and confused leader who may be jeopardizing the future of his stead, Black citizens trying to bring some attention to the wild inequality of our country, angry mobs of white people upset about minorities speaking out about these very injustices, and just general chaos with sloppy play and a fan base that is increasingly tuning out for myriad reasons.

Let’s take a look at what went down this week.

Mike Pence stages political stunt, everyone becomes a little bit dumber

As everyone knows, the role of the Vice President is to use taxpayer money to go to football games and then have a public hissy fit when people try to speak out about issues in our country.

Vice President Mike Pence, fulfilling those very duties, showed up to the Indianapolis Colts game yesterday ready to take a stand.

He tweeted a picture of himself and his wife at the Colts game, followed by a tweet approximately 8 minutes after kickoff claiming that he had left the game in protest of protest, or something.

Because we live in the dumbest possible timeline, it turns out Pence’s original tweet announcing his presence at the Colts game was just a recycled tweet from 3 years ago. I applaud Pence and his social team for adding a little filter to the more recent photo, that’s some good work.

Obviously this whole thing was a political stunt to further infuriate Trump and Pence’s base against people attempting to shed light on the gross inequality of the country.

Trump couldn’t help himself from letting the people know that this whole great show of political power was his idea.

This is what the leaders of our country are doing. CNN estimated the cost to taxpayers of Pence’s brave display of leadership at $242,500. Remember when Trump told Puerto Ricans they were screwing up his budget because they got hit by a hurricane?

Dolphins offensive line coach snorts a bunch of coke while professing his love to Las Vegas dancer

Oh boy.

Last night a video leaked of Dolphins offensive line coach Chris Foerster railing lines and talking about how much he misses a long lost love. Foerster even claimed that he was about to head to a meeting in the video.

The long lost love in question is a woman named Kijuana Nige, a Las Vegas exotic dancer, and she posted a statement on Facebook as to why she decided to release the video.

Again, it comes back to the issue of racial injustice in our country and the hypocrisy of the powers within the NFL and beyond.

I mean, it’s pretty concerning for Foerster to be railing drugs before team meetings, seems like that dude needs some help but needless to say, the internet had some fun with this one.

After Dolphins quarterback Ryan Tannehill went down with a season-ending knee injury, some people wondered if the Dolphins would be in for Colin Kaepernick.

Of course they settled for Jay Culter who has been, well, terrible, but maybe now is the time to reconsider…

Never a dull moment!

J.J. Watt and Odell Beckham Jr. go down with season-ending injuries

This is a tough one.

With both J.J. Watt and Odell Backham Jr. out with leg fractures, the NFL suffers a big blow with two of the league’s biggest players losing the rest of their season.

At a time when the league is already suffering from a lack of fan avidity, losing Odell and Watt is a terrible result for the league.

Before the injury Odell had a typically eventful game. First, he seemed to be crying on the sidelines as punter Brad Wing whispered encouragement into his ear.

And then Odell scored a trademark game-breaking touchdown.

Losing Watt and Beckham is a massive disappointment for the league, its fans, and the Giants and Texans. Football is brutal.

Raiders Donald Penn almost scraps angry fans

After winning the first two games of the season impressively and looking like a serious contender in the AFC, the Raiders have lost three games in a row, getting blown out by the Ravens yesterday.

The typically confrontational Raiders fans took their ire out on offensive lineman Donald Penn in the parking lot after the game, prompting Penn to get out of his car and talk to the fans head on.

Apparently, Penn and one particular fan have history.

They used to be friends.

Then it all turned sour.

I wouldn’t get into a fight with the 6’5″ 305 pound Donald Penn, that seems like a genuinely terrible idea, but then again the fan may have gotten a fat check out of that.

Cheers to Donald Penn for restraining himself. Hopefully Derek Carr comes back soon.

Ben Roethlisberger throws 5 interceptions against Jaguars, openly wonders if he is still good

Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been one of the best and most durable qb’s in the league for more than a decade now, but things aren’t going so well in the steel city these days.

Big Ben threw 5 picks, including 2 pick-6’s to the Jaguars yesterday. It’s never a good thing to lose to the Jaguars, they are mostly an abomination, but their defense is actually pretty damned good and if they had a real quarterback, the team might actually be pretty damned good.

Alas, they don’t have a quarterback, rather just some dude named Blake humming the ball around to receiver’s feet, but Roethlisberger made up for that yesterday.

After the game, Roethlisberger told reporters, “Maybe I don’t have it anymore.” That’s a pretty weird statement from a team’s veteran quarterback and leader, especially after Roethlisberger openly complained that wide receiver Antonio Brown’s behavior had become a “distraction” in recent weeks.

With LeVeon Bell, Antonio Brown, Martavis Bryant, and their offensive line, the Steelers offense should be an absolute juggernaut.

That hasn’t been the case so far this year and for the first time in his career, Big Ben’s ability is being questioned. It’ll be interesting to see what comes of this.