The 13 worst things to do in New York when you’re dumb smacked
There’s a lot of things that can blow your high but if you live in New York City, then you truly know this better than anybody else.
It seems that getting dumb smacked is the only solution to a lot of the petty shit that goes on in the city but there are just some extra situations New Yorkers find themselves in that nobody else in the country has to deal with.
Let’s just say the city isn’t exactly optimized for stoners to and more times than not you’re gonna see (or smell) some shit that’ll sober you up real quick.
But sometimes when you’re just a little extra smiz, some things that are deadass unbearable. From the overcrowding literally everywhere, to unsafe smoking conditions, there are literally countless reasons why New York is the worst place to be smacked.
Being stuck on a packed ass train with a broken AC
The train is already so damn hot boy but when you hit the trifecta of being on a cart that’s shoulder to shoulder standing room, hot as shit and delayed as a motherfucker, not even being fresh off that loud pack could save you.
Add in terrible scents and wild crackheads tryna come up and you’ll wish you weren’t so damn high right now.
Making eye contact with the homeless dude
You can never really zone out when you’re in the city (keep ya head on a swivel), but making eye contact with the wrong person including homeless dudes who are ready to scrap if you don’t give them money is one of the worst things to happen when you’re high as shit.
These dudes are hustlers and know the game when it comes to panhandling. They’ll also give you the hands if they feel you’ve disrespected them.
Accidentally dapping up a guy trying to sell you his mixtape
You never know when they might strike but these dudes are looking to come up on tourists and people that are too damn blazed to make quick decisions.
More times than not, the CD is a blank and you sick. They’re gonna try to act like they’re your homies and sell you the dream but they’re all full of shit. They also probably sell weed too though.
Getting on a Citi Bike
Biking in the city is already very risky but doing it when you’re chopped is downright dangerous. Luckily when you’re high you’ll be more cautious but you might just increase your chances of getting into a fight with someone trying to rush past you.
Going to a Broadway play like Cats or some shit
This actually happened to me (against my will) and it was a straight up traumatic experience. First of all, watching a musical when you’re high is just one of the strangest things ever. The costumes, the lights, the crowded ass theater. FOH with this shit.
Then you start thinking about crazy shit like what if someone walked into this theater and tried to start poppin’ off. You start making the exit strategy in your head, how you’d save certain people and disarm the bad guy. God damn I’m smacked.
A musical like The Lion King on the other hand would be stupid lit.
Trying to smoke a blunt in Central Park
If you want to talk about hot boy situations, it doesn’t get any more risky than trying to light one up in Central Park. There’s literally tourists, cops and park rangers everywhere looking to shame anyone smoking weed.
In all reality, Central Park might be the greatest place to get blazed in the world but make no mistake about it, there is also a precinct there as well and that’s where your ass is gonna end up if you get caught boy!
Smelling Chinatown in the summer time
Chinatown is always risky no matter what time of the year it is.
But if for some reason you find yourself down there when you’re blazed in the summer, you might smell some things that you’ll never be able to forget.
It’s like a combination of a fish market, barf, hot piss and the NYC sewage system. The dumplings down there are fire though.
Going out in Murray Hill
You remember those little sardines from Spongebob that used to squad up in mass amounts and be mad annoying?
It’s just like that in Murray Hill, but with a bunch of kids who just moved to the city from Penn State and Cuse.
Going to Times Square at any time of the day
Literally the worst place in the world. Every New Yorker knows that.
Trying to smoke a blunt in Times Square is pretty much a death sentence and I’m pretty sure you’d get gunned down in the street by a cop or some shit.
Long story short there’s absolutely no reason anyone should go to Times Square ever.
Going to dinner at a bougie Upper East Side restaurant
There’s nothing worse than eating a romantic, close ass dinner with your boys after you both just faced a pack to the face.
There’s something about the spots in the UES that are just not stoner friendly.
Maybe it’s all the children, families and white people but all you have to do is go uptown 30 blocks and you can find a serious chopped cheese.
A European ass tourist asking you for directions
Bruh, what? It’s called Google Maps! This isn’t all bad though. If you’re blazed enough and have nothing better to do, it’s cool to give them completely wrong directions and have that piece of mind knowing you gave a tourist a real NYC experience.
Being in Penn Station lets out during a Rangers game
Being anywhere near 34th or 42nd street is a pain in the ass to begin with but when you’re a smacked boy, you truly will feel overwhelmed.
That many basic ass people in one area is almost too much for someone to deal with!
We’re talking about some of the corniest people you never knew existed, all making the place mad crowded and walking dumb slow. When you’re high, you will feel that claustrophobia kick in and you may feel the urge to just start swinging.
Going to a bodega that doesn’t sell Backwoods
The same goes for dutches. It’s a New York City staple to make sure there are the right rolling papers for the city’s inhabitants. There are no dispensaries out here, the least they can do is have the right roll up!
Not having backwoods is like not selling chopped cheese. A lot of bodegas actually don’t have them but they motherfucking should. It’s truly a slap in the face to not have either.