Ah yes, the NFL Draft Combine, everyone’s favorite weekend where creepy team executives ask recently-departed college kids about their sexuality, their mother’s sex life, and how they would murder people!
You’d think that it’d be pretty simple to evaluate a prospect’s skills and personality without delving too deeply into the most private aspects of their life, but… that is not the case when it comes to the NFL Combine.
LSU running back Derrius Guice has spoken out about some questions he got from team executives that have nothing to do with his ability to play football or his professionalism. Guice told USA Today:
“It was pretty crazy. Some people are really trying to get in your head and test your reaction… I go in one room, and a team will ask me do I like men, just to see my reaction. I go in another room, they’ll try to bring up one of my family members or something and tell me, ‘Hey, I heard your mom sells herself. How do you feel about that?’”
What kind of fuckin’ weirdo do you have to be to say the words, ‘I heard your mom sells herself’ to a 20-year-old? I get that the NFL is a business and teams have to do their due diligence when selecting prospects that they will pay millions of dollars to develop early onset dementia, but this is so dumb, if not actively degrading.
The Combine is basically designed to intimidate prospects and mold them into the monotonous, myopic football machines teams want as opposed to, ya know, people. This includes a 3:30 am drug test, which is necessary because… WELL JUST BECAUSE.
Let’s look at all the weird shit NFL teams do, say, and ask prospects when evaluating them to play football
Josh Rosen is too smart for his own good
A hilariously terrifying article from SI’s Peter King earlier this week looked at how NFL teams are evaluating UCLA quarterback Josh Rosen ahead of the draft. Rosen is seen as a step down from other QBs, like USC’s Sam Darnold and Wyoming’s Josh Allen, not necessarily because of his talent but because he… thinks about stuff?
Peter King relayed the issues NFL teams have with Rosen ahead of the draft.
First, he’s a spoiled rich kid:
“Football isn’t that important to him, because he’s a rich kid whose mom is the great-great-granddaughter of the founder of Penn’s prestigious Wharton School of Business, and whose dad is a renowned spinal surgeon, and who once put a hot tub in his college bedroom. Rich kids can’t have the same drive as lower-middle-class kids.”
Not sure what Rosen’s dad being a spinal surgeon has to do with his ability to play football, but… ok. Here’s where it gets fun though:
“He’s too smart for his own good. He’s anti-Trump (once wearing a hat to a Trump golf course with “F— Trump” on it), into politics and cares a lot about the planet. Quarterbacks need to be myopic. Football only.”
First off, shoutout Josh Rosen. Second of all, imagine a profession where the phrase “cares a lot about the planet” is a negative thing. Impossibly stupid.
That time Jeff Ireland asked Dez Bryant if his mom was a prostitute
This is one of the more infamous NFL Combine moments. Then Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland asked Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute and if she still did drugs. Dez Bryant told Yahoo Sports at the time:
“They asked me if my mom’s a prostitute. No, my mom is not a prostitute. I got mad – really mad – but I didn’t show it. I got a lot of questions like that: Does she still do drugs? I sat and answered all of them.”
What is the possible point of asking an NFL prospect about their mother’s personal life? NFL executives clearly have some weird Oedipal stuff they’re projecting.
Falcons coach asks Eli Apple if he ‘likes men’
The NFL Draft Combine, chock full of Moms and sexuality!
Giants corner Eli Apple told Comcast SportsNet about the line of questioning from a Falcons coach at the 2016 combine:
“The Falcons coach, one of the coaches, was like, ‘So do you like men?’ It was like the first thing he asked me. It was weird. I was just like, ‘no.’ He was like, ‘if you’re going to come to Atlanta, sometimes that’s how it is around here, you’re going to have to get used to it.’ I guess he was joking but they just ask most of these questions to see how you’re going to react.”
What is wrong with these people?
Austen Lane details combine experience
Former NFL defensive end Austen Lane had a hilarious series of tweets a couple years ago mocking the questioning from NFL teams. They did the whole mom thing again.
The NFL is a weird place.