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aresenal January 26, 2018
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Piers Morgan giving Trump a personalized Arsenal shirt is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me

Piers fucking Morgan sat down with our dumbass President for some softball interview that will air in England this weekend. Fine, whatever.

I’m sure Trump will say incredibly awful and terrible things and we’ll all be stupider for hearing it, but Piers has crossed a damn line in this interview.

Earlier today, Piers posted a picture of himself and Trump as he holds up a personalized Arsenal Football Club jersey.

Morgan wrote:

“The moment I invite President Trump to be Arsenal’s new manager – because he’d build a strong defensive wall, have an attacking philosophy & want to win big trophies at all costs.”

In order to understand this situation fully, we have to take a quick step back. Arsenal is managed by a man named Arsene Wenger, who has presided over the club for 21 years.

When Wenger first came into the job, he revolutionized soccer in England, leading Arsenal to three Premier League titles in his first seven years.

Wenger hasn’t been able to return to his glory days in recent years and his job has come under increased scrutiny by Arsenal fans calling for his head.

Piers Morgan is one of the leading members of the #WengerOut movement, which is a rather loud and prominent sect of Arsenal fans.

As an Arsenal fan myself, I am conflicted about Arsene Wenger. I think his best days are probably behind him, but my respect for the man is such that I won’t stoop to Morganesque levels of assholedom to express my feelings.

But this latest move by Morgan, to give Trump a fucking personal Arsenal shirt and offer him the job of manager, is a truly horrifying move.

Is nothing sacred? Every weekend I wake up early in the morning to see 11 guys in an Arsenal shirt give me anxiety attacks and find exciting new ways to disappoint me, it’s one of the only sources of organic happiness I have left.

Now, Piers Morgan is over here making jokes with Trumpito about taking over at MY Arsenal.

Luckily Arsenal fans and the general soccer world dunked all over Morgan.

Matt Spiro, a French soccer writer and correspondent pointed out that Arsene Wenger would be a better US President than Trump.

A selection of Arsene Wenger quotes, and the basic knowledge that Wenger is a truly great and deeply thoughtful man, proves this to be true.

I mean, look at how this dude talks about managing soccer teams:

“Religiously, it is said that God created man. I am only a guide. I allow others to express what they have in them. I have not created anything. I am a facilitator of what is beautiful in man.

“I define myself as an optimist. My constant battle in this business is to get out there what is beautiful in man. We can at this level portray me as naive. At the same time, it allows me to believe it and it often gives me reason.”

I AM A FACILITATOR OF WHAT IS BEAUTIFUL IN MAN! Imagine if our president actually thought like that. Our country would be a lot better off.

Wenger would bring some fire socialism to the United States:

“I chose a team sport. There is a kind of magic when men unite their energies to express a common idea. That is when sport becomes beautiful. The unhappiness of man comes when he finds himself alone to fight against the problems he must face.”

Some Arsenal fans even conceded that they’d prefer Manchester United manager and comic book villain Jose Mourinho at the helm (God forbid).

https://twitter.com/th14Renato/status/956949539151405056

We’ve already got Jeremy Corbyn on our side!

You already know Trump is a Chelsea fan anyways.

https://twitter.com/Nigerianscamsss/status/956944563377246209

As bad as it gets for The Arsenal, this image assures us that it could always be much, much darker.

Piers has gone too far with this one.

As always, Piers Morgan has reminded us that he is truly the worst. The only positive to come of this whole fiasco is this fascinating question:

Send Piers to the fucking sun.