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Anthony Scaramucci July 28, 2017
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After one week in the White House, Anthony Scaramucci has lost his damn mind

Oh boy.

Former Wall Street executive and Fox News contributor Anthony Scaramucci was brought on to the Trump team a week ago to serve as White House communications director.

Trump and his team were clearly unsatisfied by the erratic performances of Sean Spicer, who created more negative headlines than positive ones, and also had really bad suits.

So Trump hired the slick-haired, nice suit-wearing, Scaramucci, aka The Mooch, to take over for Spicer, who resigned a week ago (we miss you Spicey).

The Mooch’s first public appearance as comms director was refined and poised, there was none of the clashing of heads with reporters that Spicer was so infamous for.

But during his week in his new role, Scaramucci has become obsessed by the constant stream of leaks coming out of the White House, a problem that has crippled the Trump administration since the beginning.

So when New Yorker political writer Ryan Lizza Tweeted on Wednesday night that Trump was having dinner with his wife, Sean Hannity, Bill Shine, and Scaramucci, The Mooch was not impressed.

What do you do when you’re the White House communications director and you see a New Yorker writer getting scoops of your dinner plans from inside your own administration?

Naturally, you call that New Yorker reporter and lose your fucking mind, all while on the record and being recorded.

Mooch seems convinced that the leaker is none other than White House chief of staff Reince Priebus, so this is what he said about him,

“Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)

That is pure gold. There’s so many amazing parts of this quote. The “fucking paranoid schizophrenic,” the mock-channeling of Priebus who apparently kept Scaramucci off Trump’s team for months.

I think my favorite part is that little parenthetical at the end that Priebus did not respond to a request for comment about the White House comms director calling him a schizophrenic that was cock-blocking him.

Oh, but The Mooch went on.

Scaramucci was livid that his financial disclosure form was “leaked” despite the fact that it’s called a financial disclosure form and that it’s open for everyone to see (Scaramucci went to Harvard Law School, how he doesn’t know this is astounding).

The Mooch seems to have adopted some of Trump’s paranoia about “The Swamp,” raving to Ryan Lizza that he will NOT BE DEFEATED,

“The swamp will not defeat him,” he said, breaking into the third person. “They’re trying to resist me, but it’s not going to work. I’ve done nothing wrong on my financial disclosures, so they’re going to have to go fuck themselves.”

The Mooch is unhinged!

He went further about fighting the leaks, continuing to refer to himself in the third person by his own nickname,

“O.K., the Mooch showed up a week ago,” he said. “This is going to get cleaned up very shortly, O.K.? Because I nailed these guys. I’ve got digital fingerprints on everything they’ve done through the F.B.I. and the fucking Department of Justice.”
“What?” I interjected.

Ahhh!

Ryan Lizza deserves a god damn Pulitzer for that little “what?” at the end there, it’s fucking brilliant.

And alas, the pièce de résistance, here is Anthony Scaramucci, who was brought in to clean up the image of the White House communications team, talking about Trump’s trusted advisor Steve Bannon,

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.” (Bannon declined to comment.)

Oh. My. Lord.

Ending this absolutely insane interview/rant, Scaramucci told Lizza he had to go tweet some more shit about Reince,

“Yeah, let me go, though, because I’ve gotta start tweeting some shit to make this guy crazy.”

That now-deleted tweet read: “In light of the leak of my financial info which is a felony. I will be contacting @FBI and the @TheJusticeDept #swamp @Reince45.” Gotta love the little tag at the end making sure Reince saw it.

After Ryan Lizza publishd his article Scaramucci tweeted out his defense:

Reporters are going to publish whatever you say on the record, especially when it’s the juiciest god damn story ever.

The White House has turned into a reality TV show, which isn’t that surprising as they elected a reality TV star as president.

Our country is now one big ass joke and I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry through the whole thing.

It would all be so damn entertaining if it weren’t such a national tragedy.

I imagine somewhere in a log cabin in New England, a small smile has crept across Sean Spicer’s weird little face.