NYC has a super-villain asshole making everyone late for work

In suspicious activity possibly spanning years, someone has, as one MTA New York City Transit source described, been “fucking with the trains.”

This person — or group of people — is somehow unlocking the safety chains, climbing into the back car, and pulling the emergency brakes. According to ABC7News, this person has a “key” that unlocks the cab where they pull the e-brake.

Foye mentioned a recent brake pull and assured "this is not an isolated incident." He said that this person or group of people could have been up to this for months or years.

— Vincent Barone (@vinbarone) May 22, 2019

Making matters worse, he’s also been striking during rush hour, creating traffic jams and slowing down the commute during the busiest time of travel. Another fact, he’s been doing it at least once a week.

Officials were reluctant to talk about the suspect, out of apparent fear of inspiring copycats. Still, the MTA has known about this activity for a long time.

The primary lines the suspect targets are the 2 and the 5 trains, going from Flatbush Ave to Midtown. Additionally, he’s been spotted on the 4 and an uptown 6 local train.

Though he has been spotted on these lines, he remains unidentified and was defined in only the vaguest of physical descriptions, “young, male, wearing black clothing and white sneakers.” So that eliminates basically no one. (I guess we know our supervillain isn’t a villainess.)

In more sus news, the villain is known to vanish into the tunnels like a ghost. Finally, on May 23, the NYPD released a video of a potential suspect and encouraged commuters to help identify this man.

Is this dude like the Joker, wreaking havoc just to see the world set on fire? Or is there a larger plan here, some vendetta against the deeply troubled subway system?

[through teeth gritted down to dust] more like….. Braking Bad…. amirite https://t.co/WQkvZ3RsCM

— meaning machine (@EricThurm) May 22, 2019

Even though there’s still always time for a pun, remember, if you do see something say something. Also, it’d probably be best to start your commute an hour to an hour and a half earlier.

We all know our bosses won’t believe this one.

https://twitter.com/TaylorLorenz/status/1131203341382508544