I don’t know about you, but I’ve never come across a young guy, say under at least 30, who is actually searching for one woman to devote himself to. I’m sure those guys are out there somewhere, but I’m also not checking for them.
Let me give you a common scenario: You start talking to a new guy. He’s pretty cute, though maybe not the finest man you’ve ever known. It’s mainly his swag that’s got you hooked.
You like the way he moves. He’s into you but it’s subtle. He doesn’t try to convince you that he likes you or show how much. He knows you know.
Your desire for affection is normally pretty low because most dudes do too much, and you get easily annoyed. But this guy is too smart to overdo it. Good morning texts aren’t his thing but sporadic forehead kisses are. A nice balance.
Sometimes when you want to see him he says he’s busy. What the hell? “I’m busy” is supposed to be your line. Dammit, he’s good.
Besides the occasional hiccup, you guys are vibing. Dope conversations and even better sex. Now all of a sudden you’re wanting more attention than you usually do. You start thinking, maybe I want him all for myself?
Suddenly you’re curving other guys who’ve been showing interest.
Now you’re stuck on dude and he knows it. But guess what? There’s at least one other woman who’s been experiencing the same exact thing … with your dude. Technically he’s not in the wrong cause he’s not really your dude.
Now you’re sick.
You’re mad at yourself for catching feelings. Don’t be. Your only wrong move was ignoring other guys for a dude who isn’t yours off the strength that you liked him the most.
Having feelings for someone isn’t a bad thing if you know how to manage them. Once you realize you’re into someone, don’t immediately assume they are the person you should be with. Basically, don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
What you need is what I like to call a starting five. And no, you don’t need literally five guys to play the field with, but you should have multiple.
Most of the guys you deal with are juggling multiple women. Dating is basically a circus. Why get juggled when you can be a juggler?
There are so many benefits to playing the field: You’re keeping your options open. You stop attaching your idea of love to one person who may or may not feel the same. And overall, you’re maintaining full control over your dating life.
The power lies in nobody’s hands but yours. You won’t find yourself tripping over one guy not texting back when there’s another dude already on his way to scoop you up for a date.
Until the guy you’re seeing is proving that he’s ready to be cuffed, ease up on your expectations. Go see what else is out there. And for those of you who think it’s close to impossible to find more than one guy that you could genuinely like, I get it.
We’re surrounded by guys with ill-intent or lack of substance. Even when he’s sincere in his efforts and personable, maybe the chemistry is off. Either way, it’s difficult to find a true connection, so when you think you found it you get a little ahead of yourself.
The problem is, most of these guys aren’t pressed to find a connection yet. Even the good ones. Sure, he likes you, but he’s chilling.
If there’s a connection then he probably isn’t pressed to look for other women, but if it happens then he’s going with it.
Sometimes you wish you could do the same. And you can, but you have to want it. The problem is more revolved around your reluctance to be available than a shortage of eligible men.
And at the end of the day, none of this dating shit really matters. Grind, focus on your passions and personal growth, and find all of the things that bring you happiness.
All these dudes (your main included) are just the side piece in life. Treat them as such.