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Does Lil Uzi Vert actually have bars? An Investigation

Lil Uzi Vert, along with Lil Yachty, seems to have become the object of much of the criticism and ire towards the new generation of “mumble rappers”.

We can trace the origin to the “mumble rap” term to Wiz Khalifa on an interview with Ebro on Hot97. Wiz told Ebro,

“We call it mumble rap. It ain’t no disrespect to the lil homies, they don’t want to rap. It’s cool for now, it’s going to evolve. Those artists, if they want to stay around, they’ll figure out the next thing to do. But right now, that’s what’s poppin’.”

We want to thank Wiz for his contributions to hip-hop and holding it down for the shmokers, but introducing the mumble rap term into the zeitgeist has been counterproductive to say the least.

Ironically enough, Wiz Khalifa actually signed Lil Uzi Vert, went on tour with him and Fall Out Boy (lol), and has a song with the Philly native.

Mumble rap has become the favorite phrase of that kid on your freshman year floor who had every Tribe album on vinyl and claimed Dead Prez was the most important rap group of all time.

We get it, lyricism is dead bro and hip-hop just isn’t what it used to be, but shit changes and music is not immune to this phenomenon.

So while the “mumble rap” haters are busy telling you Camp Lo is better than Future, we’re gonna do some fuckin’ journalism and investigate whether or not Lil Uzi Vert has bars.

In order to do said journalism, we combed through Lil Uzi’s catalog from some of his earliest work, including his first major release in 2015 Luv is Rage, 2016’s Lil Uzi vs. the World and The Perfect Luv Tape, as well as his many features.

We found some of the most provocative and fascinating lines and analyzed them with the necessary seriousness and critical eye that Lil Uzi deserves.

And yes, to the Lil Uzi heads out there, we know he has other mixtapes and whatnot somewhere on the internet, but we’re keeping this investigation Spotify exclusive.

“Super Saiyan”

Hit that bitch like I’m a viking (ay)
Drink in that purple like viking (ay)

1-2-3-4-5 I pint it (ay)
Fuck with that chasers I dirt bike it (ay)
Reading her mind like I’m psychic (ay)
I am a Leo like lion (ay)
Better than me then he lying (ay)

Money older than joe biden (ay)

For our first entry we’re taking an excerpt from “Super Saiyan” on Uzi’s Luv is Rage mixtape. Here we encounter a rather confrontational Lil Uzi, seemingly with something to prove. These bars are pretty demonstrative of some of the themes throughout Lil Uzi’s catalog.

We’re gonna get a lot of anime references, there will be some uhh questionable lyrics about women (usually in some sort of cuckolding form but not in this case), drug references throughout, haters who are not up to Lil Uzi’s standards, and the relative age and size of Uzi’s money.

Now as representative as this excerpt is, we need to get down to the bars themselves. First off, no idea how Vikings have sex, so we’re gonna call that subpar barrage. The lean/Viking fan thing makes more sense and the whole dirty lean/dirt bike wordplay is very nice stuff (shoutout Philly).

I’m not personally one for horoscopes, but I gotta respect the general mystic theme, Lil Uzi is doing some interesting shit here! And of course shoutout Joe Biden. These are solid and funny bars.

“Canadian Goose”

I just caught me a Mewtwo
I just caught me a Mewtwo (I choose you!)

Japanese girls stuck to me just like some glue

When a song opens with the line” I woke up in the morning, brush my teeth smack my bitch ass” you know you’re in for some general fuckery. And in “Canadian Goose” fuckery does transpire.

The general theme of the song seems to be that Lil Uzi is “literally cold as fuck” and that the amount of jewelry he has means that he needs a large coat, namely a Moncler or Canada Goose.

He also just caught a Mewtwo, not sure if that’s like a Pokemon Go reference or if that he is making a connection between Japanese women and Pokemon but I think we can go ahead and say these are not especially strong bars.

Sidenote: if you have a friend that really loves “lyrical rap” or whatever, definitely play this song for them and watch the smoke begin to billow out of their ears.

“Money Longer”

All of this is faction, no time for actin’, all this money lastin’
Like go out to eat, get that blackened salmon

When I’m with my girl we’re Pharrell and Vashtie, wait, huh
That mean we are not lastin’

“Money Longer” is definitely one of Uzi’s better known songs, and for good reason, shit is hot. This is an entire song dedicated to the general largeness of Lil Uzi’s money, which seems to just keep on growing.

In fact, Lil Uzi’s money is so long he can go out and get that blackened salmon, which is definitely some cool shit. And when he’s with his girl they’re as fly as Pharrell and Vashtie, but then Uzi throws a curveball and realizes that he and his girl won’t last.

Uzi realizes that as great as his life is and as long as his money is, it can’t prevent him from losing his partner, that’s a tough realization.

I’m down for introspective Uzi, even if the next line after this is “In that pussy, you know I like it rough, then I’m just blastin'” which… just fuckin chill Uzi.

“Of Course We Ghetto Flowers”

Eatin’ on veggies and salmon, ay, no I’m not eatin’ no trout
Boy you a bitch, boy you a snitch, heard you gon’ bring them cops out
Talkin’ that shit, you ain’t on shit, really you ain’t gon’ pop out
Gettin’ money that’s why they hate on me, still on that paper route
Hit so hard I pulled out, ass so fat called time out

I assume we are all picking up on some themes here. Lil Uzi likes salmon, this we can confirm. His haters, who are not doing shit, are rather prevalent as Uzi continues to get longer and longer money.

Throw in some random booty line and you got a Lil Uzi verse. These are good bars, folks.

“Seven Million”

Know I’m flexin’ on your clique
Blink of a eye, know that I would take your bitch
I cannot lie, I cannot live life like this
Cause if I lie then I know it is not real, yeah
You can’t forget
Baby, please, don’t forget about me
Yeah she saw my Rollie won’t forget about me
Addicted to my flexin’ now can’t live without me

This shit right here is why Lil Uzi is an interesting artist. We got some standard cuckolding ok ok, talking about how real he is, but then we get into some downright existentialism.

Life isn’t real if you’re lying, but is the connection between Uzi and his supposed “baby” even real? Uzi tries to reassure himself that his Rollie and said anonymous woman’s addiction to his lifestyle means she can’t forget him, but does he really believe this?

Perhaps all of this posturing and boasting is merely a facade hiding a more vulnerable and insecure Lil Uzi? Nahhhh she addicted to the flexin’,


Oh I think they like me, in my white tee
Oh no no no baby smoke so much dope need some Visine
These young nigga don’t like me, but act just like me (why?)
Fucked all of ya’ll bitches so they parties don’t invite me
That bitch that’s your wifey, she so trifflin’
I been getting money so don’t nothing really excite me
Carti poured a 6 in the 4 of the right lean
Damn that boy, ask her for some more like the Sprite clean

Yeah, that’s that dirty, that’s that dirty
That girl all up in my face like she ain’t tried to swerve me
These boys all up in my lane I swear they keep on merging
No I cannot see a lame ’cause my Rolls Royce got curtains

Bars. Case closed. Shoutout Lil Uzi Vert, the new king of lyricism.