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College football’s coaching carousel is entertaining as hell, and extremely f*cked up

Mmm college football. The thrill of competition, the pageantry, the TRADITION, the exploitation of young men in order to make billions of dollars for powerful ‘academic’ institutions!

Big time college football is both endlessly entertaining and completely fucking terrible and nothing highlights this paradox like the recent coaching carousel that’s seen big name coaches change schools without so much as a word to their players. (Players have to sit out a year if they transfer schools.)

With millions of dollars being thrown around, the recent contracts handed out to dudes who coach college football has put a bright spotlight on the NCAA’s biggest issues and inequalities. Again, this is all extremely entertaining (Herm Edwards was hired?) and totally nonsensical.

Let’s take a look at the funniest, dumbest, and most screwed up news from the college football carousel.

Jimbo Fisher leaves Florida State for Texas A&M, gets $75 MILLION CONTRACT

Good ol’ Jimbo Fisher is now one of the richest dudes in sports after getting a $75 million deal from Texas A&M and everyone has lost their shit as a result.

After rumors of his possible departure from FSU for the school in College Station, Texas, there was a lot of focus on a rogue Christmas tree on Jimbo’s front lawn.

The Christmas tree turned out to be a harbinger of things to come as Jimbo did indeed leave Tallahassee, where he’s coached in some capacity since 2007.

Jimbo’s a hell of a recruiter and has developed quarterbacks and explosive offenses in his time at Auburn, LSU, Cincinnati, and Florida State, and Texas A&M has everything in place to be a massive college football power, but handing a dude $75 million to coach college football is just… questionable.

But A&M has the donors to make this happen.

Deondre Francois, Florida State’s promising young quarterback whose early season injury hampered the Seminoles’ season, seemed to react on Twitter to Jimbo’s decision.

It’s a cold world and college football might just be the coldest.

Arizona State hires… Herm Edwards (!!!!!), Herm promptly says a bunch of weird stuff

Arizona State, hardly a football power by any means, fired head coach Todd Graham after a respectable 7-5 season and has entrusted their football program to Herm Edwards, who has been ranting aimlessly about football-related stuff on ESPN for about 10 years now.

Edwards had a 54-74 career record in his time in the NFL as the head coach of the New York Jets and Kansas City Chiefs. He was more known for his hilarious press conferences, full of bits of half-baked wisdom.

This seems like a totally ridiculous hiring from ASU.

Edwards has never been a head coach at the college level, although maybe he’ll be a master recruiter and turn ASU into a football powerhouse, no, HEY, stop laughing!

Luckily, Herm Edwards’ first press conference lived up to his previous reputation.

He dropped some absolute gems including claiming that the problem with American society is that “We don’t huddle anymore.”

Edwards also seemed to not know that the Arizona State mascot is the Sun Devils.

To make the whole thing even more bizarre, Arizona State released a sprawling press release detailing their plans to turn the university’s football program into a Silicon Valley think tank or some shit. Here’s an excerpt of the jargon-filled release, which can really only be described as Sam Hinkie-esque:

“The department’s New Leadership Model will be similar to an NFL approach using a general manager structure. It’s a collaborative approach to managing the ASU football program that includes sport and administrative divisions, which will operate as distinct, but collective units focused on elevating all aspects of Sun Devil Football. This structure will allow the department to form a multi-layered method to the talent evaluation and recruiting processes, increase its emphasis on both student-athlete and coach development and retention, and provide a boost in resource allocation and generation.”

None of this means anything.

Regardless, I look forward to more Herm Edwards press conferences.

Tennessee football is an absolute mess

The University of Tennessee’s football program, which apparently at one point was good, is now terrible and seems like it’s been terrible for a very long time.

After firing head coach Butch Davis, the University has reached out to many coaches, including Jeff Brohm of Purdue, David Cutcliffe of Duke, Dan Mullen (took Florida job instead), and Dave Doeren of North Carolina State, all of who promptly turned down the job.

Tennessee did find someone they wanted and who wanted them back in the form of Ohio State defensive coordinator Greg Schiano. But as Schiano emerged as a candidate, people freaked the fuck out, mostly because of Schiano’s apparent knowledge of the Sandusky scandal, and also because Schiano is a shitty football coach.

Although Urban Meyer, head coach at Ohio State, did confirm that Schiano is an “elite father” so that’s cool.

The fallout from the Schiano fiasco and everyone turning down the UT job was so intense that Athletic Director John Currie had to issue a statement on almost hiring Schiano. Then John Currie himself was promptly fired. All is well in Knoxville!

Tennessee football has a proud history, but they haven’t really been relevant in the SEC for years, despite churning out great NFL players (Alvin Kamara, who will most likely be Offensive Rookie of the Year in the NFL, was sparingly used while at UT).

The expectations at Tennessee just don’t match reality and that’s what makes it such an unattractive job to prospective coaches. Meanwhile, the coaches that they do have kick the most talented players off the team for calling out the “lyin’ ass” coaching staff.

UT has no coach, no Athletic Director,and no sense of direction. Jalen Hurd, the team’s best player, left the program in November

I, for one, hope Tennessee never finds a coach.

While we’re all here, just pay the damn players.