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coken isn’t that bad: How to transform your trauma into a better you

What does it mean to be broken, really? I’m sure everyone has a unique adaption of the term, but in a general sense, it’s safe to say we’ve all experienced it, right?

I’m not talking about the surface-level first definition that pops up either. The meaning I believe we all relate to is: not being complete or full. And I know for a fact we’ve all felt that way at one point in time in our lives.

Wanting more but not knowing how, fiercely running in place, feeling defeated, not having the answers, the complete loss of ego — we’ve all had moments like these. Call it rock bottom, call it your breaking point, call it whatever you want; but when we’re there, it always seems like it’s the end of the world and if we let it, it can be.

It’s okay to be broken — to be humbled and brought to earth. It’s okay not having the answers for a moment or a season. It’s okay to be stripped down and having to start from scratch. It’s not as bad as it seems because you then have the opportunity to transform into a whole new you.

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To go somewhere we’ve never gone we have to do something we’ve never done, and what better time than when you’ve got nothing to lose.

A lot of times when we get in these places of despair when we feel like we’ve exhausted our options we give in and completely throw in the towel. But really what we should do is use it as a time to make ourselves over.

If you truly want change and if you’re serious about shaking up your life, you have to look at what is around you, who is around you, and what you consume. When you monitor who you’re around and what you ingest, you change your Arora and what you emit.

There are ways to transform yourself post-trauma. It’s all about shedding who you are, committing to who you want to be, then being consistent with who that is. Don’t look at brokenness as the worst thing that can happen to you, see it as an opportunity to bounce back as the person you’re always supposed to be.

Kill who you are

It’s tough changing who you are. We’re creatures of habit and when you add the fact that a lot of times we fall in love with who we are, asking us to do a complete do-over can be a tall task.

That’s why it’s best when accepting our humblings, a lot of times they’re the pill we’ve been neglecting to swallow about ourselves.

When we “kill” ourselves, we tear down any perceived idea of who we are and open ourselves to change into new beings — we start to see life in a new way. It’s in these moments we can ask ourselves those crucial questions we’ve been wrestling with and define a clear path of where we want to go.

That’s the ultimate silver lining to brokenness: the chance of making yourself into the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Decide who you want to be

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After deading who we once were, it’s immediately important to then focus on who we wish to become. If we have no direction or idea of the type of character we’re emulating, we end up having no ground to stand on.

That’s how you get people without integrity or backbone. Knowing who you are is knowing what you stand for and when you’re at your lowest it gives you a rare moment to reexamine what they are.

When we’re definitive about the type of person we want to be, it helps set boundaries for us to abide by as we govern our lives. There will always be compromises in life; this makes sure you’re making the right ones. 

Once we’re committed to the person we wish to become and once we’ve set the guidelines and nonnegotiables, all that’s left is living in who that is. All of the sudden, someone who was at rock bottom and who had gone through the worst experience in their life is a brand new being, transformed and living a completely new life.

Change is good. I think the only people truly resist change are the ones who are afraid to change themselves. When we’re broken, however, it kind of forces us to examine who we are at the core, basic level that almost ushers change with it. Our job is to accept this change and try to create a new mindset out of it.

Being broken is not as bad as it seems, it’s all about knowing what to do after.