Yerrrr! Disney let me holler at you for a second. We have beef.
You played the homies Desus and Mero when you selected Seth Rogen and Billy Eichner (still don’t know whose mans that is) to voice the characters of Timon and Pumbaa in the 2019 Lion King remake and I’m still sick with your selection.
You might run the game but you don’t run game, ju hurd. So, here’s what you are going to do to fix this problem.
You are not only going to cast the voices of Desus and Mero as the crows in a Dumbo remake but you are also going to fuck with our voice over cast list for the Aladdin remake.
That’s right, Disney I’m coming for your neck. I don’t care what anyone else says – you fuckin with this list. So, pay attention because we expect to see this list drop when you debut the cast for Aladdin.
Drake will play Aladdin – no options
Drake already knows what’s good with the Hollywood gang. Plus he has the voice over experience.
He killed it back in 2012 when he voiced Ethan the mammoth in Ice Age: Continental Drift, so, ultimately he will kill the voice role of Aladdin.
Listen Disney, I know you have his digits, so hit him up. We are not playing, tell Mena Massoud to beat it. He’ll cop the Aladdin On Ice reboot.
Rihanna must flex the voice of Princess Jasmine
Rihanna is a Bajan princess so it’s only common sense to cast her voice for the princess of Agrabah.
She and Drake have worked well together in the past, so the animated chemistry will be gold.
Both Rihanna and Princess Jasmine’s characteristics align – strong, bad(ass), and confident. If you need to see her resume peep her voice over skills in the animated hit Home.
Disney if you play Rihanna, you play the world.
Kevin Hart is perfect for the voice of the annoying parrot Iago
Kevin Hart is a grumpy and funny little man that lowkey acts like a parrot. He has a big mouth, a tiny body, and he’s always wild shook.
If he had wings you know he would be flapping everywhere, that scared little man-bird.
Anyway, Hart’s persona is the epitome of Iago’s character. He would absolutely body the voice over.
He’s voiced little animals before. Have you ever seen the animated movie Pets? He played the gully bunny.
Jaden Smith is weird enough to play Abu
Jaden Smith would love an opportunity to make weird voices over a microphone. Trust me. Jaden is one weird man.
Plus, who do you have on call to voice Abu? Washed Frank Welker? Nah, it’s curtains for that idea. You are casting Jaden.
Craig Robinson will be coming out of Genie’s lamp
That’s right we finna do Aladdin the right way. You heard Disney? There is no way you can miss this.
It’s the obvious choice. If Craig Robinson was to paint himself blue he would actually look like Genie.
Ah, ah, ah. No one else is gucci to play the part. I don’t care if you are already talking to Will Smith, He already has enough guap anyway. Tell Smith I said ‘kick rocks.’ He had his chance.
John ‘Pops’ Witherspoon gets to play the Sultan
He will forever be known for his part as Ice Cube’s streetwise father from the Friday movie series.
But, can you imagine if you put Witherspoon in the Agrabah palace? I can. The results would be too lit. We are talking about lit nights with an animated king. You ever peep him in that Jay-Z video? He just gets it.
Issa wrap, 21 Savage has to play Jafar
Homie is a real-life villain. He has a knife tattooed on his head. Enough said.
To all y’all Aladdin lovers out there, bring your kids, bring your family because Disney finna put it on for the culture when they drop this remake. They owe us.
Warning: This list is just a parody, so SMDFTB.